Stutter, Stumble, Crumble, Crawl
by shirleypositive72
Summary: That last year of college. You have to figure out who you want to be, what you want to do, how you're going to do it, and who you want to do it all with. AH, AU
1. Stutter

**A/N: When I get writer's block concerning my main fic, I write other stuff to loosen up my gridlocked brain. So...**

**Stutter**

"You just wouldn't believe it, Rose. I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't been there," Bella whispered conspiratorially to her best friend over their shared plate of nachos. "THE Emmett McCarty, stuttering and fidgeting while asking me out. Asking me out! I don't know which part is more bizarre."

"Bella, you make the boy nervous. Stop selling yourself short. He's wanted you since freshman orientation."

"Wanted me? Hmph. He fell over me because he couldn't see my midget self from six and a half feet in the air. That hardly indicates romantic distress." Bella rolled her eyes at her friend's lunacy.

"You are not a midget. Now, Mary Alice? Mary Alice is a midget. Five feet, my ass. Girl is delusional. I wonder how she and Jasper-"

"Whatever. Point is, he's a giant. And one of our best friends. And hot. And the star center on a nationally ranked college football team. And sweet. Oh, and hot. And really smart."

"And he's hot," Rose added with an indulgent smile. "Don't forget that."

"How could I?" Bella asked sardonically.

"Obviously you told him yes, right?"

"Uh."

"Bella," Rose groaned. "What did you do?"

"I told him I was busy."

"Say that again, please, because I think I just contracted some new disease which causes me to hear only audible stupid."

"Told him I was busy!" Bella said a little too loudly. Looking around and seeing that she had gained unwanted attention, she took a sip of her beer and continued more quietly. "He is my friend, Rose. Just like you, just like Jasper. No need to complicate things."

"Oh. I owe you an apology," Rose said sweetly. Bella knew then that she was in trouble. Rose was never sweet.

Taking the bait, Bella asked, "Why are you sorry?"

"My disease doesn't make me hear stupid. It causes an amplification of bullshit. My mistake."

"Rose."

"Don't 'Rose' me! What are you doing, Bella?"

Sighing heavily, Bella took a much larger swallow of her Corona and made a decision. Might as well trust her best friend, right?

"I'm protecting myself."

"From him?" Rose asked, confused.

"From me."

"I don't understand."

"Ahhhhhh! Fine," Bella growled and leaned forward, elbows on the table. "I've wanted to fuck him since he tripped over me the day we all met."

Rose giggled at her rare use of the vulgarity, then sobered. "And when did you realize you love him?"

Bella gasped, leaned back, blinked uncontrollably, then admitted, "You're always a step ahead of me, Rosie," she said shaking her head. "The last week of junior year, when Edward and I broke up. So, three months ago. To be honest, it's probably why we broke up. Leave it to oblivious me to not realize until the proposal that I was with the wrong man." A sad smile crossed her lips.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I know it wasn't easy." Rose did not do sweet, it's true. But she did empathy and compassion amazingly well.

"When did you know? That I love Emmett, I mean."

"Not long after you started your relationship with Edward. He was great to you, and you were happy, but the spark was missing."

"The spark?"

"When we would all hang out together, you would light up when Emmett arrived. It was always him that you'd sing drunken karaoke with, always him you'd laugh the loudest at. The spark. The fun. It didn't belong to Edward for you; it was always Emmett."

"Huh. You're right. Did everyone notice?" she asked as she signaled for another round. She felt the need to be rather drunk for this conversation.

"Not everyone. Edward did, though."

"WHAT?"

"Calm down, Bella. Inside voice. Yeah, he did. Didn't you notice the couple's dates, all of a sudden? No more group stuff, at least, not nearly as often. Always having plans on game days?"

"He's not a football fan, Rose. He's a soccer player. You know that," she defended. Edward wasn't the love of her life, but he was a great guy.

"Right. Girl, he wasn't a fan of you wearing his frat brother's jersey," she retorted and held up her hands. "Before you say it, I know all of us girls wore his number, but Edward was only worried about you. He had reason to be, Bella."

Bella looked up from her fingers, which had suddenly become really, really interesting. The guilt and realization on her face were broadcasting her feelings to her companion. "I know he did."

"He knew, too."

"Did Emmett see it?" she asked hopefully.

"No. That boy is even more emotionally clueless than you in this situation," she snorted. "He feels it, though. He loves you, too. Why do you need to protect you from you?"

"Because if I do this, and it doesn't work, if I want what he doesn't, I don't think I could handle ever losing him. I lost Edward; we can't even be friends. I can't mess it up with Emmett. I can't."

"I think it can work, Bella," Rose assured her.

"Why have you never said any of his before?"

Taking a very large mouthful of cheesetastic nacho yumminess, Rose rolls her eyes. Swallowing before answering, for which Bella gave thanks, she said, "You would never have listened. At first you were too skittish around men, being a virgin freshman and all – (Bella smirks at just how far removed she is now from that girl) – then you had Peter, then you were so serious about Edward. And Emmett, well, Em had some growing up to do before he was ready to be with my best friend. There was never a good time to fix this."

Smiling, Bella asked, "And now?"

"And now," Rose pronounces, pointing at the woman she is closest to in the world, "if he stutters through another invitation, you damn well say yes!"

**A/N: Three more chapters. Should I finish? Or is it just too trite?**


	2. Stumble

A/N: **Don't own Twilight OR Kellan Lutz's dimples. Makes me sad when I think about that.**

Stumble

"I had a wonderful night, Em. It's been an _amazing_ night," she said, looking way, way up into familiar blue eyes. Honestly, she wasn't surprised at all that the evening had been good. They knew each other well.

"I'm so glad, Bells. I was really kind of nervous about tonight," he admitted, scrubbing his hand up and down the back of his head through his short hair. A classic Emmett nervous habit lending proof to his words.

Taking her hand, he led them from the restaurant toward his car. As she listened to the crunch of the gravel, she realized they had never really touched like this. Bear hugs, piggy back rides, drunken Twister, an annoyed smack to the back of his head when she could reach; they had experienced all the contact typical of close friends. But this intertwining of fingers, rhythmic swaying of hands in time with their steps? This was new, more personal, intimate.

"The great Emmett McCarty, nervous about little ole me?"

"The intimidated Emmett McCarty nervous about fucking up the date he's spent years thinking about."

"Have you really, Em?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I have. You have no idea."

"Me, too."

It just didn't make sense, Bella thought, to stay away from him anymore. After her talk with Rose, she realized that if he felt the same about her that she felt about him, well, they owed it to themselves to give it a try. She didn't want to live with _what if_. She also didn't want to live with Rose and her admonishments about being a chicken and her nagging about climbing Mount Emmett while the opportunity was being offered. Rose had a habit of being very vocal when she thought she was right.

"I am so relieved to hear that. I wasn't sure if I'd maybe waited too long, and I don't feel like this is a first date. I feel like we've been working toward this, you know? It's like, I don't know, _finally_. Like it's never been the right time, but now it is. Does that make sense?"

Bella could only smile as she moved closer to the rapidly talking man in front of her. He really was nervous, and it was utterly adorable.

"Makes perfect sense, Em." The grin that broke across his face was breathtaking, full of happiness and dimples.

It's almost comical, the distance they had to travel to reach each other. She stood on tiptoe, he bent low. Their lips touched after too many years of anticipation, and Emmett just couldn't control himself. He wrapped his arms around her and straightened, pulling her feet right off the ground, her legs dangling. They must have looked hysterical, but neither of them minded; he could kiss her much more deeply now. When they broke apart, breathless and dazed, they looked at each other with wide eyes.

"That was…" he said.

"Yes, it was," she agreed.

Lowering her to the ground after one more quick kiss, he took a moment to enjoy the moment. "I've wanted to do that since I stumbled over your tiny ass. What took us so long?"

"Idiocy?" she giggled. It's easy to see how right this was when she could still taste him.

"Bad decisions," he stated ruefully.

"Timing."

"Dumbasses who were never right for you," he declared. Bella could only nod her head at that one. He's right.

"Cheerleaders," she smirked.

"Again, bad decisions," he chuckled as he shook his head.

"Fear of losing a great friend," she said quietly, a question hidden in the statement.

"Won't happen, Bells. It won't. I won't let it. You're already too important to me, even if this doesn't end up going anywhere." He was so earnest in his assurance that she had to believe him.

"Do you think it will? Go anywhere, I mean."

"I want it to, Bella. I've had enough of waiting for someone else to come along to give a shit about. I compare them all to you." Bella gasped a little at this, and Emmett pulled her tight into his arms, as tight as he could and still see her face. "I don't want to freak you out, but it's true."

"I'm not freaked, Em. I just didn't know."

"I don't think I realized it either until I talked with Jasper." At this, Bella broke out into honest laughter. "What's so funny?"

"Rose is all over this, Em. She gave me a very stern talking to after I turned you down."

"Explains Jasper's sudden need to discuss our situation with me. Rose made him do it."

Bella looked up again into his smiling face, into his sparkling eyes, and decided to give it a chance. All of it. "Let's get out of here."

"Wanna go see a movie? The fair downtown, maybe?"

"No, Em, "she purred. Having decided to play the sex kitten, she went all out. "Somewhere much more private."

"Oh, hell yes," he growled as he took her mouth again.

"Let's go," she whispered after tearing herself away from him before they embarrassed themselves.

"Uh, the house is full of dudes-" He started the sentence hoping they were on the same page and is interrupted by her confirmation.

"My place, Emmett." He opened the passenger door for her and rushed to climb into the car himself.

They held hands on the way to the house Bella shared with Rose and Jasper, the brother/sister tag team of nosiness. The ride was excruciatingly long for them both. At last they pulled up in front of Bella's apartment where they could not get out of the car fast enough. Kissing their way into the small vestibule, touching and coaxing their way up the two flights of steps, crushing and grabbing each other against the walls in the hall outside her place, neither was prepared to stumble over an inconveniently placed pair of sneakers when they finally got the door open and hurried inside. Separating as they straightened back up, they both looked right into the laughing faces of their friends.

"About fucking time!" Jasper yelled. Rose was, of course, in complete agreement.

**A/N: Reviews are nice.**


	3. Crumble

Crumble

"I'm still loving the jersey, Bella," Rose smirked, a devilishly satisfied glint in her eye. "It's subtle. 'McCarty's.' Priceless."

"It was Emmett's idea. A surprise gift," she smiled back at Rose.

"I figured. Have you thanked me yet today?" Rose had never been a warm and fuzzy kind of girl, but seeing two people she truly cared about so happy with each other makes her happy, as well. And right. Don't forget that she was right.

"Thank you, Rose," Bella said, acknowledging her best friend with a tilt of her overly full stadium beer. "Oh! Here they come!"

Turning from Rose and the football groupies shooting eye-daggers at her, Bella focused all of her attention down onto the field. There he was, in front of his quarterback, towering over most of the guys running around him. Emmett, the man who made her feel more loved than any other she had ever known, was in his element down on that field, about to rain down pain and mayhem on the opposing team. It was funny to Bella, that dichotomy, the big teddy bear who liked to cuddle and the angry grizzly who relished the fear in an opponent's eyes. She loved them both.

The crisp air filled with the promise of colder weather was just perfect for game day. Too hot and it doesn't feel like football. Too cold and you don't_ care_ anymore about the football. This day was what you thought about when you pictured grunting men on the gridiron battlefield. The home team crowd was cheering, chanting, laughing, enjoying the absolute embarrassment of the visiting team by their own pig skin heroes.

Then the cheering stopped. The chanting cut off. The laughter quieted. All this was swallowed by the collective gasp.

Emmett was down. Down and still. Teammates crowded around him, but not too closely so as to let the coach and the team doc get to him. Grim faces, concerned muttering, a flurry of activity as a stretcher cart was brought out.

All Bella saw was Emmett, down and still.

"Rose. I have to get down there. Get me down there," she whispered. Rose was impressed that Bella wasn't screaming, but had no illusions that her soft voice in any way equaled calm emotions.

It wasn't that far to the sidelines. Bella had pretty good seats, unsurprisingly. The crush of the crowd, however, made it more difficult than it should have been. Eventually, in the face of Rose's sheer force of will and Bella's clearly stricken face, the girls made it close enough to the field for Rose to capture the attention of one of Em's teammates.

"Can you get her over to him?" At the determined nod from the young, dazed linebacker, Rose handed her shaking friend over to the protection of the men gathering around her. "Take care of her!" she ordered, before whispering, "Take care of them both."

Emmett came up through the thick haze of unconsciousness not long after Bella reached him, roaring into the bright white pain of awareness. "Oh FUCK! What the hell just _happened_?"

"Thank God," he heard. Bella? He saw her face getting closer, emerging from the flurry of uniforms, helmets, and nervous faces. "Calm down, Em. Baby, you have to stay still."

Bella being on the field was not normal. Something is bad, Emmett thought, very bad. He tried to look himself over but met with resistance.

"You have a neck brace on, son," the doc told him. Neck brace. A neck brace, and Bella's on the field, and it's the doc talking to him instead of the coach. Emmett clamped down on the panic, taking in a breath.

"How bad?" No one answered him. Instead, he was lifted from the ground on a stretcher he had no recollection of being strapped to, onto the cart that carried him off the field. "How bad?" he yelled when they transferred him to the ambulance. "Oh, God," he whispered, finally releasing the reins on his fear. "Bella?"

"You have to let me go. He's calling me! Let me go with him. Please." He could hear her. He needed her.

"Let her in the ambulance, damn it!" That's a voice he hadn't expected. Where the hell did Rose come from? "She's his fiancée!" What a beautiful liar she is, he thinks.

A quick hug from Rose, a quick repositioning of the sapphire birthstone ring her father had given her on her eighteenth birthday, and Emmett McCarty's new "fiancée" stepped up into the ambulance. She held his hand throughout the ride. He never let her go no matter how difficult it was to hold on, no matter what the EMTs were trying to do. She kept him grounded, safe from the panic; he kept her strong, safe from the sadness of watching his dream slip away.

A crush of nurses speaking hollow words of comfort and doctors barking orders and journalists jockeying for position met them at the hospital. Bella fell behind and could only watch as he was rolled away. Rose and Jasper met her in the relatively private family waiting room that had been taken over by teammates, as well as university officials. She watched as old men in suits stepped out of the room periodically to give interviews to the important reporters. Emmett had been injured on live television, and word had traveled fast. Proper administrative concern had to be shown as the school's championship hopes fell slightly with the sidelining of the man she loved.

"You can come with me, Miss Swan. He's awake and asking for you."

He held his hand out for her again as she came in the door. Two doctors and the head coach were in the room already. She settled on the bed, careful not to jostle his leg, watching Emmett's fresh-out-of-surgery struggle for sustained coherence. And then the sympathetic voices of the men in the room gave him the news that would forever crumble his hope of a pro career.

"I needed you here for this," he said quietly, pulling her close.

"I'm here for all of it," she replied.

**A/N: I'm sorry! It just wouldn't be me without angst. But remember, I believe in HEA!**


	4. Crawl

Crawl

_Compound fractures in both the tibia and fibula of his right leg. Mr. McCarty will require at least two more surgeries in the coming months, likely with the introduction of a number of rods and pins. He'll be lucky to walk without a limp. His football career is over._

The less compassionate of the two doctors in the room immediately following his first surgery, the surgeon, had used these words to explain things to Bella when it became clear that she had no idea what was going on. The first time they gave the news even the coach had a hard time following, they'd used so much technical medical jargon. With the much more direct explanation, Emmett was finally able to process what had happened to him. What he couldn't figure out was what came next.

He'd been able to stay at school after a short break to recover from the worst of the physical aftermath. His profs allowed him to do the majority of his work online until it had become more manageable to get to class. But he was no longer the star center of the football team. This was the last of the operations, and he was ready to go. It was time to find some normalcy. Without football, though, he wasn't sure what "normal" was anymore.

"Ready to go, Em?" Bella had been there every step of the way, Emmett thought. Even when he was so out of it that he didn't realize she was there, she was there just holding his hand. Even when he was so depressed by what had happened to him, she was there pretending she didn't see his tears. Even when he was so pissed at the world in general, her included, she refused to leave; she just let him get it all out. Rose had come to see him during his week-long stays, Jasper had come to cheer him up. His former teammates had come at first, then stopped when they understandably became spooked by his condition. But Bella had been there for all of it. And now there she was again, holding his overnight bag, an eager look on her face.

"God, yes. Let's get out of here for the last time."

"The last surgery. Hard to believe."

"Now what?" he asked her.

"Now we move on," she said, clutching him, an anchor for them both.

"I hope I can," he murmured.

"We can," she told him with no hesitation.

It hadn't been an easy few months for Bella, either. As the weather went from the chill breezes of autumn to the frosty gales of winter, she watched as Emmett struggled. He did not easily come to terms with the changes his injury had brought. He had to find a way of handling the physical pain, the confusion, the loss of direction. He also had to get a grip on his anger. He blamed the doctors, at first, and the guy who hit him. He blamed himself. There had been more than one well-wisher, many hiding curiosity behind concern, who may have met a more violent fate than the glares they'd received had Bella not been by Emmett's side when they approached her healing giant.

But he _had_ been healing, and today marked the end of the difficult journey that began the moment his leg snapped. Emmett knew he had to pick a new road to travel. He just needed to talk this out with Bella, open up with some of his ideas, and get her opinion. He needed her on board. He couldn't imagine taking _any _next step without her.

He parked at his frat house, took her hand, and just started walking. It was cold, but he had to be moving; the injury hadn't changed that. Moving helped him think, helped keep some of the nerves at bay.

"I'm sorry," he told her as they approached the classical façade of the library.

"For what?"

"For being a dick, Bells. I know I haven't been my charming, hilarious self lately."

"Em, no. You've been-" He had been so hard to deal with at times. Directionless, angry, and hopeless. It had been so hard to watch him struggle to crawl out from under the weight of his depression. There was no way in hell she was going to tell him that, though.

"A dick. But, I don't know. Maybe it's because this is the end of it, no more hospital, but I feel better. More myself. So let me apologize, all right?"

Bella saw the old, familiar glint in his eyes and quietly rejoiced. He hadn't been as bad as all that, but he was certainly more himself at this moment than he had been for a very long time. "Okay. Apology accepted," she smiled at him.

"And you were right," he told her, stopping her with a tug on her hand.

"About what?" She's curious. What's gotten into him?

"About needing to move on. I spent a long time thinking in that sterile room. I think I know, but, I'm not sure. I don't know if I can…" He trails off, overwhelmed.

"What are you trying to tell me?" Her eyes are wide and trusting, and Em knows he's going to be fine.

"I already have all these classes already; I'm going to graduate with a degree in kinesiology with a focus in sports psychology. Guess I'm glad my dad insisted on aback up plan. It wouldn't be too hard to switch my focus from going pro to coaching, or management, or maybe therapy of some kind. Use what I know and love, right?" He looks so hopeful, Bella thinks, so much more optimistic. "What do you think?"

"What do I think? I think you could do whatever you want! You'd be amazing at any of those careers."

"But what about you?"

"Me?" She was confused, and he had to make her understand.

"I'd want to get my Masters. I know you're ready to leave school, but-"

"Em, stop. What does that have to do with anything?" She knew where she wanted his thinking to be. She wanted it to be in the same place as hers. They're in this together now.

"It took too long for us to get here. First, us, together. Then me, with my head up my –" She stops him with a finger to his lips.

"It's been hard, Em. I understand."

"I'm trying, Bella. I can do this."

"You're doing just fine, Em." Moving to stand on the third step from the ground so she could look into those clear, bright, finally untroubled blue eyes, she smiled.

**A/N: All medical stuff came from what little my brain absorbed from watching tv. I'm marking this as complete, but I think I might do an epilogue, so keep it on alert. Sorry there were no smexy times; it just didn't feel right for this story. There's a little smut in my story "THE LISTS" though. Thank you for reading!**


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